Special thanks to AmberStar63, who is awesome, for betaing this for us!
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I pretended to work, opening a word document and typing needless words and mumbo jumbo into it until they left. Pretending not to notice when Jasper looked back at me over his shoulder before leaving. Then I let it out, I laid my head on the desk and let the tears flow.
Fuck. Me. Hard.
I thought I could handle this, I thought that if I was formal with him then I could just get through this week and we could move on in our separate lives.
I was wrong, he broke me down quickly, making me laugh with an inside joke and his smile. That smile I always thought was only for me. Damn him. Combined with the fact I sensed his presence before I saw him, I knew it was going to be how it used to be.
Except this time I had Garrett. I loved Garrett, I think I might even be in love with him. He’s sweet, charming, had good fashion sense and looked hot all the time. And I’m sure once we get to that point, the sex will be great too.
Yeah I know what you’re all thinking, they haven’t had sex? Well, guess what? Sometimes a relationship isn’t all about the sex. Sex isn’t everything… besides, we do other things, and Rhett is really good with his tongue.
So why am I thinking about him and his tongue and the way sex felt with him and how good he smelled? I hit my forehead against the desk again. Jasper cracked my carefully pieced together exterior, leaving me feeling like vulnerable, young and stupid Alice again. And damnit, I am not that little girl anymore.
*~*~* October 12th 2001*~*~*
I was excited, today was my very first homecoming parade, and it was topped off with a bonfire at the beach. Today had been perfect. I had spent most of the day with Jasper – and my brother and Emmett too – but Jasper was there, and since that fateful day last year it was almost like we were bonded or something. I could tell he wanted me around a lot.
I told my friend Kim about us and at first she didn’t believe me; after all what would a senior want with a lowly freshman? But now she’s convinced too. You really can’t deny the spark that is there between Jasper and I, I mean, we sleep together almost every night.
Not in the sexual way, but in the ‘hey I need to sleep because I have terrible nightmares and you keep them away’ sort of way.
And now I was going to the bonfire with him – and Edward and Emmett and Rosalie – but I mean, Emmett and Rosie will probably be making out and Edward will probably be trying to hook up with Tanya Flemming, so it will be pretty much just me and Jasper. I smiled at the thought as I pulled on my shorts and tank top. It had been unseasonably warm and while I was sure it was going to be cooler later tonight, it would just give me a legit reason to cuddle with Jasper.
What? Nerdy boy is soft, but hard all at the same time… And he smells really, really good.
I pulled on knee high socks and put on my pumas before checking myself out in the mirror. I think I looked pretty good, years of ballet had sculpted my body into a rather defined, muscular yet lean machine. I think Jasper likes legs though, he’s always looking at them, I looked down at mine; they were rather chicken leg-ish and I had knobby knees. I frowned slightly at myself.
Note to self: Work on getting sexier legs.
The rumble of Jasper’s motorcycle interrupted my self-criticism. I pushed my student ID and some cash into my pocket before running out my bedroom door and taking the stairs two at a time. Mom was at the bottom of the stairs, shaking her head, laughing quietly at my excitement. “Bye mom, see yah later.” I told her, kissing her cheek before running out the door and greeting Jasper just as he was climbing off the bike, running his long fingers through his wavy hair.
I would love for his fingers to –
“Hey Jazz!” Edward called from behind me, pushing me out of the way and disturbing my little fantasy as he ran to greet his friend.
“Hey Ed,” he hollered back, brushing non-existent dirt off the front of his khakis, making me look at the bulge the girls and I were constantly giggling about in class when we talked about boys. He looked back up at me and smiled warmly, making the butterflies flutter in my stomach. “Hi Ali Cat.”
I waved stupidly, “Hey N.B.”
“So you’re gonna drive your bike to First Beach?” Ed wrinkled his nose, no doubt worried about sand getting in the gears and such. The good thing about Ed is; he’s a total car and bike buff. He and Rosalie really know their shit when it comes to all that.
Jasper nodded. “Dude, there's a parking lot you know,” he shook his head while he laughed.
“Yeah I know... So how are we working this?” He pointed behind him, “Em and Rose are already busy in the back seat.” I looked over and indeed, they were mauling each other. It’s a wonder they could breathe like that.
I looked back to see Jasper shrug, leaning against his bike a little, “I got a helmet for Ali... So she'll be safe with me if you want to go surprise Tanya,” he waggled his eyebrows knowingly at my brother, who chucked and nodded.
“What do you say Ali... you wanna ride with Jasper?” I nodded quickly. Yes, I want to ride with Jasper, now go the fuck away Edward.
Jasper smiled and held out a very cool looking black and pink helmet. He got a girlie helmet for me, meaning he wanted me to ride with him more… Oh-my-fucking-god, I am squealing so hard inside right now, you have no idea. I did my best to contain my excitement as I rushed to Jasper’s side.
“You got chick's helmet,” Ed stated, raising his eyebrow at the two of us.
“It's for Ali. Your mom would kill me if I didn't have to proper safety gear for her,” he responded, smirking.
Edward simply chuckled and shook his head at us, “’Kay dude, meet us there?”
Jasper nodded, “Yep, we'll see yah there.” He waved, then looked over at me, “Come here, let’s get this thing on you.” I walked closer, my eyes locked on his.
Gently he leaned down and captured my lips with his, thrusting his tongue into my mouth as his arms pulled me closer, his hands groping my ass hard as he continued to assault my mouth with kisses.
“Aren't you gonna get cold Ali Cat?” Jasper asked, breaking me out of my fantasy.
“Um… What?”
He laughed, “Your outfit... aren't you gonna get cold?”
I shrugged, “That's what the knee highs are for…”
Jasper shook his head a little as he pushed the helmet onto my head and strapped it up. “Too tight?” I shook my head no and he nodded in kind, “Alright, so once I'm on, you get on and hold on, okay?”
“You’re not gonna help me get on this beast?” I asked, incredulously.
He laughed at me. “Yes, Ali Cat.” He got on and then held his hand out for me, “It's not that big of a bike you know,” he raised an eyebrow at me as I climbed on behind him.
“Um... should I?” I wrapped my arms loosely around his waist, sighing happily as my hands splayed across his sides.
“Yep, but I want you to hold on tighter... Precious cargo and all,” he gave me a rather seductive look as he glanced over his shoulder. Oh dear God, is he flirting with me? I did as he said and held on tighter, pressing my cheek against his back after I left a secret soft kiss.
“Okay... like this?”
He nodded, “Yep. Follow my lead into the turns okay?”
It was my turn to nod, “Okay.”
I watched as he began putting his own helmet on and then paused, “Oh and if I'm going too fast, just squeeze tighter.”
“Okay…” Did he do that often? I was suddenly nervous. But after he put his helmet on I felt his broad hand touch both of mine.
“I won't let anything happen to you Ali Cat.” He assured me.
I leaned my head against his back, “I trust you.” Then he started the bike and took off, it was actually pretty fun, we were laughing. Feeling the wind whipping against me made me realize that the outfit I was wearing was probably a stupid idea, especially when he picked up speed. I hugged him tightly for warmth. I was actually having fun with him like this, it was surprisingly peaceful.
That was until he decided to show me a trick and popped a wheelie just as we got to the parking lot; honestly, it scared the shit out of me. I screamed loud enough I’m sure everyone in America heard it. I'm fairly sure I panicked Jasper because he parked quickly and jumped off the bike, pulling his helmet off in a hurry.
“Stay there, I'll help you down.” He told me, I had no intention of moving, I was scared stiff. “Hey... Ali look at me.” I turned my head to look at him, he seemed very worried. He slowly took my helmet off and resting it next to his on the bike before cupping my cheeks and rubbing wetness off of them. Had I been scared enough to cry? “You're okay Ali... I promise I won't hurt you,” he whispered.
“Don't... ever... do... that... again. Please.” I stuttered out.
He grabbed my hands, wrapping them around his neck and then wrapped his arms around my waist. “I promise, never again,” he whispered as he pulled me off the bike, letting me slide down his body. I looked up into his eyes and I could almost swear they reflected the desire that I had for him. “Now come on. We've got a bonfire to attend,” he smiled and I grinned like an idiot right back.
“You're okay right? You're not cold or anything?” he asked me quickly, looking down at my shirt and blushing a little, my eyes followed suit and then I abruptly covered my chest with my free hand. Apparently adrenaline was still pumping through my body because I was unaware of how the chilly air was affecting my body.
“A little cold yeah…” I gave him a half smile.
“Here,” he told me as he unzipped and took off his Beatles hoodie, handing it to me. “It's already warm for yah,” he smirked as I bit back a grin that would probably break my face.
“Thanks,” I put it on and pulled my hair out of it before zipping it up, taking a moment to enjoy the smell of Jasper that enveloped me. “Aren't you gonna get cold now?” I asked, looking up at him as he watched me.
“Nah,” he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me in front of him as we walked. “That's what I got you for.” We walked slowly, taking in the various students, half of which already looked drunk. He continued to walk me on the outskirts of the party. Maybe he was considering taking me somewhere and making himself a man, as Edward and Emmett put it. I practically sighed as I thought about it, some of the girls talked about how bad it hurt the first time, but I bet my Nerdy Boy would be gentle with me. Oh please let Jasper take me somewhere.
He nudged me slightly, “You excited?”
Fuck did he just read my mind? Did I moan out loud… or worse? I looked up at him as he raised an eyebrow at me. “Uh… Oh! The bonfire. Yeah,” I grinned at him. “Really excited.” I said as I wrapped both of my arms around one of his, making him smile back at me. “What happens at these things?”
“Not a whole heck of a lot. The cheerleaders get you all pumped for the big game. There's a fire to burn our rival's mascot and the pep band plays fight songs.” He shrugged, “We usually kick back by the fire and enjoy the night.”
I laughed a little half heartedly, “Meaning you guys just go to watch the cheerleaders bounce around, huh?” I turned my head to see my brother talking to Tanya, one of those cheerleaders who were so perfect it literally made you gag a little. He laughed at my comment.
“Actually…” He shook his head a little, “No... No I usually watch the fire and try to guess who falls into it this year.”
That was interesting. “You don't like the cheerleaders Nerdy Boy?” He shook his head, “Why not?” I asked, looking over at the group. “They’re really pretty and... they have boobs and stuff.” I loosened my grip on him, realizing I could never compete with someone like that if they figured out what I already knew about Jasper.
He shrugged, “Not my type.”
I tilted my head to look at him, “What's your type?”
He beamed down at me. “Not them…” he laughed, I joined in.
“Me either…” I felt dumb the instant I said it.
“Well I'm sure Ed will be relieved that his baby sister isn't checking out the cheerleaders.”
“You guys didn't really think I was a lesbian, did you?” I asked, concerned.
He shook his head, “No, but I think Ed is kind of hoping you are so he doesn't have to worry about kicking a friends ass.” He informed me, looking ahead suddenly. I heard a beat and realized the school band was playing a Green Day song, making me squeal and clap my hands.
“They are playing cool music N.B!” I exclaimed, breaking away to dance in front of him, shaking my ass a little more than necessary and making him laugh.
After a few minutes Jasper grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with mine. “Come on the dunes are the best place to watch this…” He told me before leading me up the sand covered hill, stopping once we got to a relatively deserted section. I looked down to see the coach addressing the crowd, but could barely hear what he was saying. Jasper sat and then pulled me back so I was nestled between his legs with his arms wrapped around my waist.
“See this is where the coach gets everyone pumped for the game. It's kinda corny and somewhat like that scene in Grease…” he whispered in my ear, I nodded to let him know I understood and relaxed into his embrace as he pointed at the group of cheerleaders. “They'll go next. You'll know when they're done ‘cause they’ll start the ‘We Got Spirit’ cheer. You know the one where we're supposed to out spirit them?”
The ‘out spiriting’ thing was definitely corny as hell, I turned slightly to look up at him, “Are we gonna out spirit them NB?”
He grinned at me, “Might as well, this is an important year for us isn't it?”
“It is?”
He nodded. “Yes ma'am. You're no longer a little girl but a young woman entering High School.” He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ears. He didn’t think I was a little girl in the closet on my birthday. I thought, quirking an eyebrow up at him. “And Soon I'll be a man, out to face the real world,” he shook his head, “or so they say.”
“Only according to Ed and Em not a,” I used finger quotes, “real man…”
He raised an eyebrow at me, looking rather insulted. “Are you gonna make me tickle you?” I shook my head, but continued to stare at his face as he turned to look back at the coach. “Anyway... Once the cheerleaders are done, the band will play a stereotypical song, which is epic in its own right given it's context while they light the bonfire.”
“And then... like people make out and stuff?”
He laughed at that, “Yeah, or drink and chase each other around.” He shrugged. “Depends on what you want to do I guess.”
I smirked, “which one are we gonna do?” I asked as I laced my fingers with his and pulled his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie to warm up his cold hands.
He rested his head on my shoulder. “I don't know Ali Cat.”
“We could make out... I mean… it's no big deal right? It's not like we haven't done it before.” I reasoned.
“True.”
“And I know you like it when we do…”
“So do you,” he defended.
“Never said I didn't,” I said as I snuggled closer to him.
He gave me a rather wet kiss on my cheek, “I know.”
“Unless you don't want to be seen making out with me…” I brought my knees up.
“What's that supposed to mean Alice?”
I shrugged, “I'm a Freshman...and you're cooler than me.” He laughed at that, before I looked towards the ocean. “And I'm not all that pretty,” I finished in a whisper.
He hugged me tighter. “You're very beautiful Alice,” he told me, making me blush and smile, because him saying that to me meant so much. “And you being a Freshman has nothing to do with anything. I'm not cooler either.”
“Then what is it?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged, “Why don't you want to?”
Quickly, he pulled his hand out of my sleeve and turned my face to his, kissing me passionately, thrusting his tongue into my slightly open mouth and massaging my tongue with his. I moaned slightly at the kiss, he tasted like Jasper and peppermint and I couldn’t get enough. We broke away and looked at each other for a minute as I moved into a better position. Then he grabbed my face and kissed me hard again, it was exhilarating because he seemed to not care who saw. I was kissing Jasper, who’s a Senior and beautiful and a lot of girls wanted him, and he was here kissing me.
I tentatively put one hand on his shoulder and then the other loosely around his neck. He kissed me even harder, moving one of his hands down my back as the other wove itself in my hair. We stayed like that for a bit, occasionally mixing in a few smatterings of peck kisses in with all the frenching we were doing. A cool shiver went through me as his cold hands slid under the waistband of my shorts, then panties and he squeezed my bare butt cheeks rather forcefully.
He used his hands to pull me even closer to him and rubbed my crotch against his bulge making us both gasp a little at the friction. I could hear the roar of the crowd around us, but could care less; it was me, Jasper, our lips and his hands on my ass.
Then he moved his lips from mine, placing soft kisses on my cheek down to my neck, sucking and leaving wet kisses as he moved along my neck. I began moaning, rolling my hips against his. He moved his knees up behind me to support my back as his hands moved around to my front, making hasty work with the zipper of the hoodie before sliding his hands up under my shirt and bra, fondling me. I moaned louder under his touch, his greedy fingers tantalizing my nipples as he sucked and kissed along my jaw.
“Jasper,” I finally managed to groan out, making him look up at me through hooded eyes for a minute before trapping my lips with his again. One of his eager hands moved out of my shirt to fist my hair, pushing me even closer to him as his other hand continued to knead and pinch the breast it held. Our hips continued their movement, dry humping in front of everyone and not caring. He moved his mouth from mine again to attack my ear and the territories that surrounded it, making me gasp and wrap my arms around him.
“Fuck, I love you so much N.B.,” I purred huskily in his ear.
He pulled back, “Wait? What?”
I panted for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts, “Um... I love you?” He shook his head at me, which made me raise an eyebrow at him. “Why are you shaking your head at me?”
“Ali... you can't love me.” Oh my God, he did not just say that and pinch my nipple at the same time. I scowled at him and pushed his hand roughly out of my shirt.
“Why can't I?”
“Alice, come on... we're just kids!” He tossed his hands in the air in frustration.
“What is that supposed to mean, Jasper?” I asked, my mouth hanging open slightly in shock.
“What? You know what I mean Alice. You have your whole life ahead of you and I'm leaving…” He shook his head stubbornly, putting his hands on my sides, “It's impossible.”
I damned the fact that my tear ducts seemed so ready all the time, feeling the tears forming already. “Jasper... Why can't you just stay here with me? Please?”
“Alice…” He reached up, cupped my cheek in one of his hands and despite myself I gave in to the comfort a little, looking into his eyes, the sadness that was ever present beneath the veil now bubbling up to the surface. “I don't want to hurt you... I have to go to college Ali. I worked too hard to give it up.”
“So... what? This is all I'm ever gonna be to you? The chick you sleep with in a non-sexual way every night and make out with when she pesters you enough about it?”
“No. Alice, I really do care about you,” he rested his hand on my chest right above where my breaking heart lay.
“Then why can't you love me back?” I asked, my voice sounding tortured even to my own ears.
“Please don't do this Ali Cat,” he whispered.
“Do what, Jasper Alexander?” I demanded, crossing my arms to gave him the hint the was not welcome to touch me.
“Trust me, it's safer for you not to love me. Now drop it.” He said in a firm tone.
“Now drop it and let you feel me up some more?” I asked bitterly.
“NO!” He shouted, “Jesus, Alice, that's not what I mean!”
“Then fucking tell me what you mean!” I yelled back.
He groaned and fell back into the sand, “I can't love you Alice, I just can't,” he said to the sky.
I glared at him for being such a coward that he couldn‘t even look at me when he said it, tears stinging my eyes. “Fine then.” I stood up and moved to his side, where he raised himself up on his elbows. “Stay away from me, don't come in my window again, don't call me, don't email me, just…” I took a deep steadying breath, “forget I ever existed.”
“Alice,” he reached out for me, trying to get up as his eyes pleaded with me. “Please don't do this.”
“I can't be friends with you like this, I'm in love with you Jasper... and I can't wait forever... Maybe…” I shook my head, “No. Just stay away Jasper.” I turned away, determined to at least make it out of the parking lot before I broke down crying. It didn’t work, I began running as fast as I could home, tears running down my cheeks.
I shook my head to rid myself of the memory before I looked at the clock. Shit! I need to go to dinner with Garrett!
-----
I ran into the restaurant twenty minutes later, briefly pecking Garrett on the lips before sitting in my seat across from him. He chuckled lightly at me.
“All this wedding planning is getting you in a tizzy, eh?” He asked, smiling at me as the waiter brought me out a glass of water and a glass of Chardonnay.
“Oh,” I breathed, smiling at my boyfriend of two years’ beaming face. “Yeah, well, the best man flew in today, so that should make things a bit easier.” I explained before taking a sip of water.
“I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of ordering for you.”
I smiled a little, was I really that late? “It’s fine,” I assured him. We continued the polite conversation, with me hoping that he couldn’t tell I was very distracted, barely touching the salmon and steamed vegetables he ordered me.
When dinner was over he ordered Blanc de Noir and then dropped to his knee at my side out of nowhere. “Alice?” I looked at him and made sure to swallow the last gulp of champagne as he pulled a silver box out from his pock and popped it open. I gasped when I saw what was inside. Holy – “Will you marry me?” He finished.
I gaped at him for a minute, then realizing everyone was staring at us I quickly said yes and jumped into his arms. The entire restaurant seemed to burst into applause and congratulations for us. So why is it that even in this moment I couldn’t stop thinking about Jasper?
We left the restaurant shortly after that, him explaining that he needed to get some work done so I couldn’t really go to his place to celebrate, but I would be damned if I couldn’t go out and celebrate my happiness, so I did the next best thing.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled quickly to my best friends name and listened to her pick up on the other end, “Bella?”
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