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APOV:
I tossed yet another clear plastic cup into the trash bag I was holding. Fuck, apparently being Bella’s best friend meant I was also her bitch during her wedding. I am so going to pay her back. Bitch is going to be my slave during my wedding, I thought as I dumped a few more glasses into the black plastic bag.
I looked over and was torn between being thankful that I wasn’t doing this on my own and hating the fact that I wasn’t. He was still here. His suit jacket and vest was sitting casually across a chair while his tie hung loosely around his neck, his hair was disheveled and fuck, he looked hotter than hell. I shook my head at myself, fuck Alice, you’re engaged, stop looking at your ex like you haven’t been laid in five years.
But I haven’t been laid in five years, I thought miserably.
That’ll change when you and Garrett get married.
Wow, I’m certifiable, fucking thoughts are trying to comfort me now. And it’s not like we haven’t done anything, it was just the one time we did, he accidentally palmed what used to be the small pudge I had leftover from being pregnant and it made me feel really self conscious, and completely killed the mood.
Since then, Garrett has actively tried to show me how beautiful I was and we’ve done intimate things together, but never quite went all the way …yet. I sighed heavily and looked back up to see Jasper was closer to me now, his own trash bag in hand as he cleaned things up. He looked like he was concentrating, his lips pursed and his body flexing with each of his careful movements.
I had been intimate with Jasper in ways I knew I would never be with Garrett. Jasper was my first love, my first… well, my first everything, so of course I did those kinds of things with him. In truth he probably knows my body better than I do, even now.
I chuckled out-loud as I thought about him doing things under the guise of scientific research. Only then did Jasper look over at me, puzzled and definitely curious. I smiled at him, but continued to clean, dancing a little to the music and kicking my shoes off. Fuck it; if I have to clean this place up I might as well be comfortable.
I felt the cool cement under my feet and nearly moaned at the feeling, apparently almost twelve hours in heels was not doing my feet any justice. I pulled the pins out of my hair and stashed them in my purse, finger combing my hair before I began cleaning again, my body swaying to the beat to make time pass quicker.
I bent down and started to pick up stray pieces of trash around the tables, but abruptly stood and turned when I heard a rather husky groan from behind me. I raised an eyebrow as I looked at Jasper’s face; he looked as if he was battling something inside of him. “Um… sorry.” I said quickly.
“It's okay... I'm sorry,” he told me quietly.
I nodded, might as well be cordial right? God, this is harder than I ever imagined, “How's your girlfriend?”
He gave me a rather tight lipped smile. “Pissed at me but,” He shook his head. “You did a really good job with putting all this together for Bells and Ed. You sure you're not a party planner in your spare time?” he teased; I felt the color rise to my cheek again. Definitely not a party planner.
“It was nothing... this was actually the wedding I had planned for…” Us. I stopped myself for a second when I realized that, I couldn’t believe I actually almost admitted it to him, “Never mind.”
I think he knew anyway because he gave me a rather sad looking smile. “Yeah…”
Time to change the subject, ”So why is your girlfriend pissed at you?”
“There’s a long list... you sure you got the time?” He smirked at me.
“I always have time for you N.B.,” I admitted, he was after all still my first love and childhood best friend.
“Thanks Ali Cat,” he said rather shyly.
“I've known you practically my whole life; I can't let a few years stop me from being your friend.”
He nodded his head crisply, “I see your point.”
“I mean, if you still want to be friends that is.” I added.
“Of course I do.”
I smiled at him, “Okay then.”
He smiled back, “I guess the next question is, how do we do that?”
I laughed a little, “Yeah. I mean, you're planning on leaving and from what I hear from Rosie, trail- I mean your girlfriend really doesn't like me.” He shrugged in response as he bit back a laugh.
“Well Charlie was saying he wanted to talk to me before I left... And even still, my family is here so it's not like I'm gonna stay away again.”
So I was the reason he stayed away all these years. I tried my hardest not to cry, “I'm sorry you had to stay away,” My voice broke, giving me away.
“That had nothing to do with you, Alice,” he shook his head. “That's all on me, okay?”
I cupped my elbow and rubbed, “Yeah.” You know how someone says ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ and it’s utter bullshit? Yeah. I chewed my lip as I thought of something to say back.
“So... you and Garrett... you two look happy.” It seemed like more of a question than a statement.
I smiled at him, “We are... I mean we have our problems,” I shrugged, what couple doesn’t? “But we are.”
He nodded, “Good. If anyone deserves to be happy it’s you.”
I tilted my head, “How do you figure?”
“What do you mean? You're a great person Ali Cat. You deserve to be happy, to be loved. Hell, you deserve the fairy tale wedding more than Bella does, if you ask me.”
Yeah, whatever Jasper. I turned away and began cleaning again, “Fairy tales don't exist NB, happily ever after stops at that point so that you don't find about how the prince actually leaves on his horse and finds a better, prettier princess... ever wonder how come the prince always has the same name in the stories? It's because it's the same damn prince. Fucking bastard.”
“Not true. I seem to remember you bitching me out because I called Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid the stereotypical Disney Prince. Besides, what the hell makes you think she's prettier than yo-, than the Princess? He may have not ridden off to find something better; he could have been doing it to protect his loved ones,” he argued.
“The prince is perfect, and has nothing to protect anyone from. He left because he gets scared, and he wants something new. And if he wasn't, then how come he keeps finding princesses?”
Jasper scoffed, “The prince is far from perfect Alice. If he was as perfect as his friends and family seemed to have believed, he wouldn't have hurt the one person he cared most about. And why does it have to be princesses he's found? What if they were merely someone to take away the emptiness the prince is feeling?”
I looked at him exasperated, “The prince is an idiot then. I am sure the first princess would take him back.”
“Ah see now… there's a flaw in that logic. The princess has moved on to better things.”
“If he really loved her as much as he said he did wouldn't he at least try?” I argued.
“Until his dying breath…” he whispered, then turned back to clean some more.
“Then why hasn't he?” I asked, sighing before I did the same.
“Maybe because he doesn't want to hurt her again or see that look of disappointment in her eyes when he fucks up like he’s destined to do?”
“We're not talking about fairy tales anymore, are we N.B?” I asked, turning to him.
He laughed ruefully, “I don't think we ever were Ali Cat.”
I was suddenly embarrassed for having expressed my rather cynical views on men to him. “Sorry for putting you on the spot.”
He shook his head, “No, you deserve to have answers Alice. I understand.”
“Do you love your girlfriend N.B?” I asked timidly.
“No, definitely not,” he answered. I was almost relieved that it wasn’t just me he couldn’t love.
“But... from what Rosie says, she treats you like crap. Why do you let her treat you like that?” I wondered aloud.
He shrugged, “Because I deserve it maybe. But in all fairness, I'm not very nice to her either.”
That didn’t sound like the nerdy boy I knew, “How are you not very nice to her?”
He shook his head, “I'm just not good at the relationship stuff.”
“Yes you are,” I assured him, smiling. He returned the smile.
“I bet you know her birthday, what her favorite color is and what her favorite flower is.” I gave him a wry smile. “It's just who you are.”
He shook his head disagreeing with me. “I only knew that stuff ‘cause I was, what did Rose and Em call me? Oh yeah, ‘Stalker boy’ when it came to you.” He made quotation marks with his fingers.
I scoffed, shaking my head. “That's funny. I never listened to them, they were crazy.” I chuckled.
He snorted, “They still are.”
“What did they do this time?”
“Just the things they brought up at dinner the other night,” he shook his head while laughing.
“What did they bring up?” I pressed.
“The trampoline…”
I shook my head in disbelief, “You were all out of your mind.”
“Hence the reason I didn't touch drugs again,” he smirked at me. I was going to argue with him, because Viagra is a drug and he took that at one of the themed parties we attended, but decided not to.
“Did you really just do that to get me to talk to you?” I asked.
He nodded vigorously, “Yeah, and it worked, even if you did yell at me for it,” He gave me a little smile. “I still say it was worth it.”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn't.” Twenty four stitches and hand cast is never worth it.
He leaned against a table near me and crossed him arms. “Ah, but you see, it was. The goal was to get you to talk to me, as was the goal with the other times you found me in your room. Even though you hissed at me, called me an idiot and were far more pissed at me then before. I got you to not only talk to me, but touch me.” He smirked as if he had just won some sort of dispute with me. “So worth it, to a seventeen year old boy,” he explained.
I sighed a little, cleaning up once again and glancing at him over my shoulder. “Oh yeah, I forgot you had a thing for my body.” He mumbled something just as a familiar beat of a song came on, the treble and electronic beat making my body move of its own accord. “N.B., you wanna dance with me?” I asked, looking at him.
He smiled at me, “You know I'm a horrible dancer, you sure you want to risk it?” he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Or… I could just dance around you.” I offered, smirking at him as I moved closer, swaying my hips to the beat.
He laughed, “Hey I did a good job of not steppin' on your toe earlier didn't I?”
“Yeah. You did.”
“Come on,” he held out his hand, “let's dance.” I took his hand and took my position, my hand on his shoulder and his hand on my waist, I was really nervous.
“Just two friends dancing right?” he assured.
I took a deep, steadying breath in. “Yeah.”
“Since when are you nervous to dance?” he teased as he sashayed around.
I shrugged, “It's just you Jasper, I'm always nervous around you.” I gave a rather pathetic laugh.
“Well relax. You don't have to impress me, you know?”
“I know. It's just… I don't think most friends have the history we do.”
“Probably not. But since when are you gonna let that stop you?” he goaded. I simply shook my head and turned around in his arms, wrapping my arms up around his neck, staring out at the river and letting the music guide my hips as they wiggled to the pulse. Almost as if he was shy, he wrapped his arms around me and moved with me, alerting me to the protrusion of his pants.
“Gee Jasper…” I smirked as I looked up at him, “I see you still have a hard time keeping junior in check.”
“He knows what he likes,” he growled in a low voice.
“Does he now?” I asked in a teasing tone.
“Yes ma'am,” his voice sounded terribly strained.
“You want in my very expensive panties Jasper?” I purred.
“That's a loaded question Alice.”
“How so?” I asked, still swirling my hips.
“Because the honest answer will make me seem like a two timing ass, while the appropriate answer would be a very, very big lie.”
He wants me. He still fucking wants me, incredible. I laced my fingers in his hair and yanked him down so I could whisper in his ear, “You want to bend me over and handcuff me then fuck me like you used to, Jasper?”
He groaned audibly and pulled me closer to him, lightly grinding his erection into my ass. “That's just one of the many things I want to do Alice,” he whispered huskily.
“Tell me what you want to do to me…” I purred.
He panted heavily in my ear for a moment before he responded, “I want to kiss every inch of your skin... Taste you, make love to you and then fuck you senseless.” He growled the last part.
I nibbled his ear, making him moan and pull me even closer. “That sounds so good,” I purred. “Too bad we're both in relationships, huh?” I said as I pushed away from him.
He gaped for a moment as my words sank in before righting himself, “Right.”
I turned around and busied myself with cleaning again, trying to drive out the thoughts of Jasper bending me over one of the reception tables and fucking the hell out of me. “If it makes you feel better I wish you could.”
“Maybe this gets easier over time?” he offered after a few minutes.
“I hope so,” I responded, smiling.
“Me too.”
I couldn’t help myself, I had to ask. “Did your girlfriend really…” Uh fuck, maybe I can’t ask this. I felt the heat rise to my face, shit I was blushing again. “Never mind.”
“Did she really what?” he asked back in a rather demanding voice.
“Um... does she really try to be like me?” I whispered.
He laughed heartily. “Yeah... She got her hair cut and colored like you used to have it and everything.”
Whoa, creepiness. “Um… should I be expecting her to come kill me sometime soon?”
“No Alice…” He sounded frustrated. “That was her sick and twisted idea, hoping that I might fall in love with her or something.” He explained.
I scoffed at that, “Yeah, seriously twisted, because she really doesn't want to be me.”
“She could never be you Alice…” his voice was gentle, almost loving.
“No, I mean, I don't even want to be me half the time.” I could hear my voice begin to rise.
“What? Why? From what I heard despite the shit I put you through, you still managed to graduate early from UCLA Magna Cum Laude, and you're the highest in demand in your field... or is that just Edward playing proud big brother and lying to me the last five years?”
I turned to look at him. “No that is all true, I just... went through a lot while you were gone Jasper,” he turned away from me and began cleaning again. I rolled my eyes, of course he doesn’t want to hear it. Then turned and began cleaning again. More dirty paper plates, used napkins and spent plastic cups.
“I'm sorry I put you through hell... had I know that would be the outcome of everything…” he said after a few minutes.
“What would you have done Jasper?”
“Gone about things differently.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. Yeah, I am sure he would have. “What Alice?” he asked, haughtily.
“Like that would've helped Jasper.” I could hear the venom in my voice.
“Well it depends on what you mean Alice.”
I could feel the tears start to well. I was angry and becoming furious that I was crying because I was angry. “I didn't want to trap you Jasper; I knew exactly what you would do, but I wanted you to want me, I wanted you to want to come back. I didn't want you to come back out of guilt or because it was something you felt like you owed me.”
“See that's what I mean Alice! I wouldn't have left period. I left ‘cause I was scared out my mind that I was going to hurt you. Make things harder for you. But look at that, I made things worse by leaving. I wanted you. I always wanted you!” He yelled. I didn’t want to respond, everything in me told me to hit him, oh dear lord did I want to hit him, but I wouldn’t let him do that to me. He would not drop me to that level he would not… why the fuck am I cleaning? I did everything for this wedding. He can fucking clean it.
“You know what? Ugh!” I screamed as I stormed away, slamming the door of the church as I went through the building.
I don’t know why I am so upset, I should have expected it. The thing about us, and I’ll never understand why, but we fight as much as we used to fuck. Hell, we even fought while we fucked.
*~*~*~*February 14th 2005*~*~*~*
Oh God, I love kissing Jasper.
I tried as hard as I could to push to the back of my mind the fact that he was recording an intimate act between us.
Come on Alice, this is fun, everyone has a sex tape, and you wanted a permanent reminder of how you looked when your boobs still defied gravity, remember?
I felt his hips jerk against mine a little harder as a grunt escaped his lips and was captured by my mouth. My eyes rolled with pleasure as he began moving at a different angle and I broke our kiss to moan out a quiet, “Oh fuck yeah, that feels good.”
He moved us so that my ass was on the bottom of the bed and he was standing on the floor, holding one of my hips with one hand as he continued gentle thrusts into me while filming us. “Gah, Ali cat, you feel so good,” he groaned, he sped up his thrusts, the camera aimed down at where we were connected.
I watched as he let go of my hip and opened up the little screen to watch himself fuck me. “You’re so beautiful A.C.”
I hate it when he compliments my genitalia; I rolled my eyes, “I’m glad my pussy is so pretty in your opinion.”
“I wasn't talking about your pussy just then Alice,” He raised his head to look at my eyes, his freshly washed hair falling in his face a little.
“Well that's all you were looking at,” I argued as he continued thrusting and he rolled his eyes at me. “Why are you rolling your eyes Jasper?”
“Can't you just enjoy this?” he snapped, moving his hands and the camera so that he could raise my hips and push hard into me.
I moaned in spite of myself, that shit felt good. “I am enjoying this; I wish you liked me for more than just a nice place to stick it in.” I snapped back when I regained my thoughts, he stopped moving and gaped at me. Fuck, okay that was a little harsh. “Maybe we should stop.”
That seemed to bring him out of his thoughts. “You're more than that to me Ali Cat.” He leaned back down and kissed me passionately, his tongue stroking mine and his lips hard and determined, making me forget about anything I was mad about, I pushed my hips against him and he pulled away, pulling out of me and leaving me naked and wanting on the bed. “I love you.”
“I love you too…” I tilted my head at his rather glum expression as he looked down and messed with the camera a little. Damn it, I am such a bitch. I rolled over onto my stomach; I knew nerdy boy liked it this way and shook my ass at him, “Come on nerdy boy.” I purred.
“That's my girl,” he said, his voice thick with lust as he smacked my right cheek softly. I bit my lip and moaned as he continued to playfully spank me while reentering me.
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