I couldn’t get him and his damn piercing grey eyes out of my head. It was like he was haunting me, only I knew it was self possessed.
I am still in love with Jasper Whitlock. I so do not need this. I still am in love with Garrett. I am engaged to him for God's sake. I promised, well not officially, but nonetheless I told him I loved him, only him, and that I would marry him.
That was before Jasper held me in his arms as we danced, before the dirty talk and the fight we had. I heard my phone ring and let the voicemail get it; maybe Mr. Volturi would let me have a few personal days to figure things out. I leaned my head onto my folded hands and let a single tear escape.
I am so fucked.
I heard a tap at my door and without raising my head I told whoever it was to come in.
"Alice, is everything okay?" My head snapped up at the voice.
"I’m sorry Mr. Volturi! I just have a bad headache." I lied smoothly.
"Alice, I’ve told you before, please call me Aro and if you have a headache why don’t you call it a day, we’re not really too busy today and I need you in top form for the meeting on Friday." He told me, giving me a fatherly like smile. I nodded a little in response and packed my bag, ready to go home.
~*oOo*~
I don’t really know how I ended up here, but I sat in front of the Seattle police station, making sure my hair was perfect, my makeup wasn’t smudged, and that my teeth didn’t have anything in them. I had to know why he left, why he no longer wanted me when it was very apparent on that dance floor that his body still craved me as much as mine did him.
After opening the door of my Porsche and fixing the ribbon on my shoes where they wound up my legs, I marched into the station like a lady on a mission. I was greeted by a burly man at the front desk.
"Can I help you?" He asked in a charmingly deep voice, perfectly suited to his body stature, I gave him a flirty smile, he smiled a little back.
"I need to speak to Jasper Whitlock, fairly sure he’ll be in the lab?" I said as a question, hoping he would know who I was talking about and that I was flirty enough to have him do what I wanted.
He nodded a little sadly. "Yes, hold on ma’am I’ll call him up. Can I have your name Miss?"
I nodded and gave him another flirty smile, "Alice Cullen."
After a few minutes on the phone the man looked back at me, "He’ll be right up."
"Thank you ever so much." I batted my eyes a little, making him blush. Score one for Alice. He pointed to a row of uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, I gave him a little wink before I perched myself on one and crossed my legs, letting my skirt push up a little on my thigh.
I knew nerdy boy liked that shit. Why I was still doing it was beyond me.
As always, I felt him before I actually saw him, it was as if something about him was directly tied to my body’s natural reactions. I closed my eyes momentarily, cursing the fact that his mere presence made me wet as I shifted in my seat a little. When I opened my eyes I saw him, hair a mess, like he’d been tugging at it, dark rimmed glasses on his face, dark jeans, a button up and converse sneakers. Well, at least some things never change. I smirked a little at him as he walked over to me, his grey eyes locked onto mine.
He shoved his hands in his pockets when he reached me, "Hey Ali Cat…" He gave me a rather tight smile, he wasn’t all that happy to see me. Good. "What can I do for you?"
I stood up, even in the four inch heels I only came up to his shoulder. I tried to make myself as tall as possible. I licked my lips to moisten them a little. "I need to talk to you."
He nodded his understanding, "Okay, uh… give me a minute?"
With a nod of my head I said, "Sure."
I watched him turn and jog over to a desk in the back, talking to an older officer before he ran back, I couldn’t help but notice how his shirt moved exposing little bits of skin here and there. Fuck I need to get laid and stop thinking about him. "Sorry, have to tell them when I leave... Uh do you want some coffee or something?" he asked me, not even a little breathless from his run.
I shook my head, "No... just somewhere private."
"Uh okay..." He sounded a bit nervous as he nodded. "Well, I'm staying at Bella's old place if you want to follow?"
I gave him what I hoped was a winning smile. "That sounds great." After all, Bella’s old apartment was very private.
"Okay," he affirmed, holding the door open for me.
I waved and gave another quick wink to the officer behind the desk before turning to walk out the door. "Thank you." I said quietly, as I passed by Jasper walking out the door.
"No problem." I heard him behind me; I smirked and swayed my hips a little as I walked to my car, hoping he was paying attention to what he missed out on. I turned to see him straddle his old bike and put the helmet on. Fuck me, that still turns me on.
Stop it Alice! I chided myself resting my forehead on the steering wheel so I could regain my composure before I drove to the familiar apartment.
The sound of the bike’s engine broke me out of my reverie, damn thing was loud, and I put the key in the ignition and turned, listening to the purr of the engine as I reversed and followed Jasper about five minutes down the street to the Avalon Belltown Apartments and turned into the parking lot.
I followed him up the stairs and watched as he opened Bella’s old apartment door. I wonder if he plans to keep it, I thought as I walked in. Stupid Alice, he’s leaving, he has a girlfriend, stop entertaining the thought, besides you are with Garrett, remember? I sighed, I so didn’t deserve him.
Jasper led the way into the main living area of the apartment; it used to be fully decorated, much like my own apartment, except in blues and purples. Now everything was taken down and there were a few boxes with Bella’s handwriting left in the dining room near the table, and sitting on the coffee table in front of Bella’s sofa was the box of keepsakes Jasper and I collected together. I swallowed hard when I saw it. He still had it; he didn’t toss it or burn it. He kept it. I could feel the tears form at the corner of my eyes. Then I saw sitting next to it a half-full bottle of Sothern Comfort. Well then...
I raised an eyebrow slightly at Jasper as I sat in the blue gingham armchair, crossing my legs and giving him a little show of my thighs. He obviously noticed. I watched his tongue dart out to lick his bottom lip as he eyed my legs appreciatively and sat on the sofa. I cleared my throat and gave him a satisfied smirk as he blushed a little.
He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck for a moment before leaning his forearms on his thighs and looking at me, "So to what do I owe the unexpected surprise?"
I could no longer remember the well rehearsed words I had planned to say, I chewed my lip for a moment trying to figure out what it was. I started and stopped a few times realizing that no matter what I said the words were gonna come out wrong. "I can't stop thinking about you." I finally told him.
He looked down at his clasped hands, "I'm... sorry?"
I swallowed hard, "I just... I mean I thought about you every day while you were gone, but the pain was starting to go away." I looked down at my legs, even though it was starting to go away, I was never truly happy without him here. "Okay so this isn't going how I wanted it to." I admitted, sighing.
"Well I'm sorry that my coming back here caused you pain... I'm just finishing this case and I'll be out of your hair." My head snapped up when he said that, noticing the tight smile on his face but he still wasn't looking at me. It might be so easy for him, but not for me.
I scoffed at his words, "Yeah okay." I said sarcastically, my tone harsh.
He looked at me then, his expression unreadable, "Excuse me?"
"Don't you get it? You are never out of my head therefore never out of my hair!"
"Obviously I was ‘cause you’re with that Gary guy or what ever the fuck his name is!" He had no right to be angry about that, and it enraged me even more.
"Well I was done fucking pining over you, wishing you'd come back, hurting every time I sa-heard about you with another girl. You left me Jasper, when I needed you the most you weren't here! I needed someone and Garrett is a good man who loves me and won't hop on a plane one day and run off like a coward!" I spat angrily.
He stood up and faced me, his stormy eyes narrowed and fists clenched, "Well if that’s the case, then why are you here with me instead of with him?" I jumped up at that, tilting my head so I could glare at him, wishing I wasn’t so short.
"Because I wanna know why?! Why N.B.?!" My voice broke with the punctuation of my special nickname for him as the tears that had threatened to fall earlier now trickled down my face.
"Because I loved you too much to stay here and hurt you!" His voice sounded exasperated.
"Bullshit! You hurt me anyway!"
"Trust me Alice, I could have done worse." His voice was stern, with a note of finality to it.
I shook my head, "Fine. I give up arguing with you. Obviously trying to find out anything from you is like trying to figure out what a fortune cookie means." He stared at me, eyes narrowed. "I am sorry I came to bother you." I spat, glaring at him through the tears, "I'll leave you be now so you can laugh about me with your stupid precious girlfriend." I hissed before walking around the coffee table and grabbing my purse off the chair. "I was stupid to think you cared."
Before I could walk away, he grabbed my arm and tugged me to face him. "I do care Alice."
"You don't get to touch me like that anymore Jasper!" I yanked my arm out of his grasp. "I don't believe you."
"How the hell am I supposed to prove that to you Alice? Enlighten me because I have no fucking clue what you want me to do here," he growled out irritably.
I shook my head. "I am pretty fucking sure that if you actually cared, you would think of a way." He stared at me again, not saying anything. I actually hoped he would make some grand gesture... something... and I received nothing. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "You can't can you?" I whispered, looking at his hard expression, greeted once again with silence. I can’t do this anymore, I am engaged to Garrett, I am a stupid woman. I shook my head. "Go bury yourself between your girlfriend's thighs. Tell her I feel sorry for her, you’re just using her like you use everyone else."
"You think I used you?" he whispered, irate as he glared at me, "I never used you, Alice. I don't fucking want her. I want you and you're making it very difficult for me right now."
He didn’t even know what he did; I felt a bit of pity for him and gave him a sad smile. "I let you use me, I hoped..." That you could find a way to love me. I thought as a tear rolled down my cheek. "But it never came true, I know you don't want her, but you don't want me either." I was going to continue on my path out the door, but he leapt over the small coffee table and pulled me to him, kissing me desperately, our tongues struggling against one another. I broke our kiss so I could pull away, my core already throbbing and aching to be filled by him, there was no turning back now, I hoped he understood that. "Jasper don't start what you can't finish." I whispered, and he smirked at me.
"And who said I can't."
I gave him an eyebrow, my hands resting on his strong chest. "Your girlfriend Kathy or what ever the fuck her name is."
He locked eyes with me and started to walk me back, I couldn’t break his gaze if I tried. "Sorry to disappoint you darlin' but this isn’t about her. This is about you and me."
I hit the wall and my hands fell back, clutching for something to hold onto. You and me. The words rang over and over in my head. "What about us?" I asked him breathless.
"You seemed to be sadly mistaken thinking that I don't want you. But see here's the thing Alice. You have been on my mind every goddamned second of every goddamned day since you were twelve fucking years old. I wanted you then, and goddamn it I want you now."
Since I was twelve, I felt my heart almost stop with his admission, "Well then, I guess you really have something to prove don't you?" I gave him a speculative eyebrow, "Because words are pointless." He growled before his lips collided with mine, kissing me with so much passion my knees almost gave out.
I gave into his kiss, kissing him back with just as much enthusiasm. My hands finding the fabric of his shirt and tugging, hard, I heard the snapping sound and light pings from the buttons scattering and hitting the walls. I felt him grin against my lips, fucker, I pinched his nipple through his undershirt and he hissed, breaking our kiss to look into my eyes.
His hands found their way to my back and pulled apart my dress near the zipper, I heard the sound of the fabric ripping and then felt the cool air of the apartment against my bare skin as my dress fell away. I took a deep breath as his eyes wandered my body; I tensed up as he saw my scarred belly and waited for him to ask about the faded stretch marks.
But he didn’t say anything; instead he shrugged the button up off and pulled the undershirt off, revealing to me the beauty of his torso. If I thought he was hot before, he was even more so now. I licked my lips as I stared openly at the well defined muscles on his sides, the developed pecs, the sculpted six pack and the deep V leading to his cock that I could see was straining against his jeans. I ran my hand down his body, leaving gooseflesh in my wake and rubbed against the rather large bulge.
Licking my lips as I looked up at him, I dropped to my knees and he leaned on his hands against the wall. Not breaking eye contact I popped the button and lowered the zipper, slowly, letting my fingers graze his cotton covered member before I pulled the jeans down to his ankles and finally looked at the perfectly held bulge in the boxer briefs my nerdy boy now sported. Well, that was an interesting change.
I met his hooded eyes once again as I ran my lips along the bulge, sucking roughly through the fabric once I got to the head. "Jesus," I heard him moan out, making me extremely smug.
"Does your girlfriend like these?" I growled at him, he glared at me and growled back as I pulled them down, his swollen cock springing out. I wrapped my hand around as much of it as I could and stroked him gently. He groaned and leaned closer to the wall as I took him into my mouth, sucking and swirling my tongue around the head. I continued my movements, bobbing as his hips bucked forward into my expectant mouth.
"Fuck..." he groaned as I relaxed my throat and pushed myself down till my nose was pressed against his flesh, then came back up slowly, releasing him with a pop and then standing up.
"Can your little girlfriend do that?" I asked him, smug and defiant.
He took my hands in his, our fingers lacing automatically and pulled them together up over my head, pulling me up against the wall. "Depends, does your boyfriend know this?" he asked in a husky voice, rich with his southern accent. With that, wetness flooded my core as he kissed and nipped at my neck just below my ear.
"I don't wanna think about him right now, fuck me N.B." I partially moaned out. I felt him smirk against my skin.
"With pleasure."
Pulling both of my wrists into his right hand, he let his left glide gently down my arm to my breast, squeezing as he continued to kiss and nibble on my neck, traveling down to the swell before pulling the fabric down and taking the hardened nub into his mouth, my back arching as a response to his attention.
"Jasper…" I moaned out, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressing my center against his stomach.
"Are you in need of some special attention Ali Cat?" He drawled as his hand traveled further south to my lace thong before he ran a finger along the edge, driving me absolutely insane.
"Yes." I groaned out, biting my lip in earnest. He gave me a devilish smile as his fingers went even farther south, brushing against my pearl before quickly moving the fabric to the side and thrusting himself into me, my jaw dropping open and a indescribable sound coming out all at once.
He stilled his hips for a moment and smirked at me with half lidded eyes, letting go of my hands to grab the underside of my thigh. My hands weaved themselves into his hair and pulled him to my lips, kissing him hungrily as we thrust together, the feeling of him inside me was remarkable, memory had definitely not served it justice.
He pushed me harder and pressed his knee up against the wall using it as a prop for my thigh so both of his hands could explore my body. His lips moved back down to my bosom as he flicked down the fabric that covered the other breast and bit down on my nipple, hard. I dug my nails into his back and yanked, scratching him rather than screaming out. He cupped my breasts in both his hands and flicked his thumb across the sensitive peaks as he whispered huskily into my cleavage. "God, I’ve missed you."
I smirked and rolled my hips faster to meet his, desperate to reach the cliff I had only dreamed about for five years. He met my thrusts with as much enthusiasm, almost pulling out all the way before slamming into me hard and making me cry out with pleasure every time. I could feel the ball tightening in my stomach and knew I was close, I think he knew it too because he suddenly moved his hands to my ass and squeezed as he moved us away from the wall and backed up till he hit the couch and landed with a soft thud, still inside of me.
I grabbed the back of the sofa for leverage as he held onto my hips and bucked on him quickly, his hips thrusting up hard as he bit into his lip and locked eyes with me. I pulled my hips all the way up releasing him and slammed myself back down, burying him to the hilt and felt the orgasm wash over me, my head lolling back as I felt him throb and spill inside of me, groaning into my chest.
I recovered for a minute before moving slightly so I could look at him. “Fuck, you’d think I’d fucking learn.” Then leaned my head onto the top of the couch.
“Learn what?”
I groaned into the couch, “To use a condom.”
“Well unlike last time, we weren't expecting that…” he mused, his fingertips brushing lightly against my sides and making me turn my head so I could look into those penetrating grey eyes.
“Last time was,” extremely romantic. I smiled a little as I remembered. He seemed to agree because he smiled and nodded. I wondered when he was going to ask about the stretch marks, I could still see them and they were very obvious. “I know you're dying to know so just ask.”
“You're referring to Ryan right? Because I already know…” I gaped and he covered my mouth with his hand. “And before you threaten harm to anyone. Emmett filled me in, but only after Garrett so rudely clued me in.” He removed his hand to let me speak.
“Garrett told you? What did he say?”
Jasper shook his head. “Just something really uncalled for and Edward made Emmett remove me from the party for a minute.”
“Oh.” I chewed my lip, I wonder what Rhett would’ve said to make NB mad like that. “Yeah, um… you're a Daddy... only not really.”
“Yeah.”
Well, time to get cleaned up, I moved off of him. “I'll be right back,” I went to the bathroom to clean myself off, ashamed of myself for what had just happened. Jasper, while my childhood best friend, was not my fiancé, he was not the man in love with me, and not someone I could count on to stick around. I shook my head as I looked around for something to wear since he so carelessly ripped my six hundred dollar, Yves Saint Laurent dress, something I was trying not to be pissed about, and found an undershirt of his. Fuck it. I smelled it to make sure it wasn’t too dirty before pulling it over my head and walking back out to the living room, seeing that he was finally pulling his pants up and he laughed when he took in my look. Yes, I was styling his undershirt with fuck hot heels… all I need is a belt and I would be fashionable.
“I can give you a clean one you know,” he chuckled.
“Well, it was on the floor and you ripped my dress.” I said, crossing my arms. “I figured since I have to go home I might as well not steal something that you need for work.”
“Ah, so you're a fuck and run kind of girl now, huh?” He nodded his head a little at me as my eyebrows jumped to my hairline.
“Yeah well... I figured it's how you like them best right?”
He rolled his eyes at me as he buttoned his khakis. “Actually I was thinking you'd like to work on that whole friendship thing we talked about earlier.” He lips turned up in such a cruel manner I hardly recognized my Nerdy Boy. “Unless Garrett has such a tight leash on you that you can't have male friends.”
“Friends don't fuck against walls, N.B.” I snapped, shaking my head, “And I ain't the one that has a significant other with issues.” As it stands, I think I'll need to get a restraining order against the crazy bitch after what just happened.
“I suppose the only thing to do now is replace that dress, right?”
I rolled my eyes and put a hand up in front of me. “Whatever N.B., you're still an ass who just uses people for sex. Forget about the dress.”
“No Ali Cat, I'm not. I want to actually try to get my best fucking friend back.”
“Why? You're leaving again!” I shouted.
“Because Alice, I want to be able to call you on your birthday without having to worry if you'll even pick up the call. I want to plan to come back on holidays and be able to see you instead of being concerned with ruining everyone else's fucking holiday cheer because I will undoubtedly piss you off somehow!” he yelled back.
“What do you want from me?!”
“I want my best friend back. The one that knew me better then I knew myself.” His face looked so broken. Fuck it, I give up. I sat on the couch and untied the laces of my heels.
“Garrett is out of town anyway,” I muttered.
“And that means what Alice?” he demanded.
“You have me for the night…” I told him as I popped the shoes off my feet.
“Only if you want to be here.”
I looked at him. “I still love you Jasper…” His face didn’t show any sign of anything, it was practically void of emotion, I sighed and looked back down. “Of course I want to be here.”
“Are you hungry?” he asked, his voice disturbingly calm.
“Yeah,” I chuckled, “I really haven't eaten much in the last few days.”
I looked up just as he gave me a rather curt little nod. “You still like Chinese?”
“Of course…” I responded, wondering why he was so… unemotional. He walked away and I could hear him murmuring so I assumed he was on the phone when he came around the corner it confirmed my suspicions.
“Hey Ali Cat, did you want Spring Rolls or Dumplings?” he asked it as if nothing had happened; okay seriously this guy is throwing me for a loop.
“Spring Rolls…” I responded, looking at him curiously as I tucked my feet up under me.
“Kay,” he went back around the corner, his murmurs a gentle reminder he was still in the apartment. I couldn’t believe he was here, honestly, I couldn’t believe I was here. “One order of Mandarin Chicken, Sweet and Sour Pork, Lo Mien and Spring Rolls will be here in forty five minutes.” He handed me a water bottle, “Sorry it's all I got besides,” he nodded his head a little in the direction of the whiskey bottle.
“Yeah... why do you have that here anyway?” Jasper was never much of a hard liquor type guy. He picked up the bottle and looked at it for a minute, then cleared his throat.
“Helps me sleep?”
“Oh,” I pursed my lips, I knew he was lying, but he was hiding it for his own reasons. I no longer had the right to push. “Why…” I took a deep breath, prepared for angry Jasper once more. “Why did that just happen?”
He looked over at the wall; he knew what I was talking about. “Frustration maybe?” he shrugged.
I moved my legs out from under me and stretched them out on the coffee table before I reached over Jasper for the bottle of whiskey. “So… what's on the game plan N.B.?” I looked over at him to see him looking at my legs out of the corner of his eyes. That made me smirk.
“I don't know Ali Cat.”
I pulled my knee up, resting my heel on the edge of the couch as I took a swig of whiskey, “How long you staying for?”
He relaxed into the couch before answering. “Uh about a week, I think.”
I shifted around so that my legs were resting in his lap before answering. “So you planning on marrying the sk- I mean, your girlfriend?”
He shook his head and gave me a rueful smile, “No, to marry someone that means you love them right?” he picked up my foot and began massaging it.
I scoffed a little, it didn’t stop a lot of people from getting married, “Yeah.” I could tell he was really appreciating my legs, and maybe it was the alcohol, but I really wanted to fuck with him a little bit. So I moved my leg that wasn’t being massaged and lightly rubbed against the bulge in his pants, feeling it harden slightly as my foot moved. “Thank you by the way,” I took another pull off the bottle.
He raised an eyebrow at me, “For the liquor, dinner or foot rub?”
“All of the above and…” I took a longer drink, “that was the first sex I have had since you left.” And holy fucking hell that was good.
“Wow,” he shook his head, “how is that even possible?”
I shrugged, “I mean... I've done other things… just... I dunno why I am telling you this.”
He laughed. “Well for one, I know that you always seemed to talk when there's alcohol involved... and two I have super skills that make you talk.”
I laughed at that and took another drink, “I have skills that make you talk too you know,” I began lifting my leg, but he grabbed it before I could get too high.
“I don't recommend you do that unless you want a replay of twenty minutes ago.”
I smirked at him, slightly drunk, “I did say I was yours for the night.” I bit into my lip a little more, “However whatever happens tonight... it can't... you know.” I shrugged.
He nodded, “Yeah I know. Perhaps we’ll just see where the night leads us?”
I held the bottle out for him to take a drink, “Agreed.” He smiled at me and then shook his head at the bottle. “Why not?”
He shrugged, “Would prefer to have a clear head tonight.”
I raised an eyebrow and shook the bottle a little again, “Just one drink to loosen you up?”
He laughed, “Peer pressure,” he shook his head as he took it from me and took a long drink.
*~*~*~*May 5th 2005*~*~*~*
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Fuck how long can two minutes take?
I looked at my watch; barely a minute had passed since I peed on the fucking stick.
I don’t know what Rosie is going on about, seriously I am not pregnant, I am just stressed out and upset Nerdy Boy broke up with me and left.
I looked at my watch again.
Longest two minutes in history I tell you.
I mean I can’t be pregnant, I’ve only slept with one guy and we’ve always been careful.
Okay, maybe not that one time, but seriously, I would’ve known by now…right?
I looked at my watch again.
Thank fuck! I moved over to the counter where the test laid and picked it up, one dark pink line and a regular pink line, then looked at the box. It said two lines mean you’re pregnant; I looked at my test…
No.
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