~*~*~*~
APOV
I was having dinner with Garrett when Jasper called me. At first I tried to ignore the call, Rhett was already a little jealous of our 'friendship' and I was doing everything in my power to not stir up suspicion that we'd done anything since he came back. Because, well... let's face it, I'm a terrible liar. I finally answered when he called the fourth time, giving Garrett an apologetic smile as I answer the phone.
"This better be an emergency." I hissed.
"It's Rosie. She's screaming for you and Emmett passed out and... Fuck Alice, I don't know what to do!" He said in a rush.
"Oh." I gasped, looking over at Garrett, "Rosie's in labor and Em passed out."
Garrett gave me a rather tight lipped smile as he nodded his head. "Go on ahead then baby, I'll get a box to go for you."
"Thank you so much. I love you," I leaned over and kissed him before grabbing my purse and addressing Jasper. "Okay where are you guys at?"
"Northwest Hospital, off one-fifteenth... do you know where that is?" I could hear Rose saying something in the background.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a few," I told him as I clicked the phone shut. I got into my car and began to drive to the hospital quickly, half wondering if Rosalie really wanted me, or if my Nerdy Boy needed me. I knew two days ago that when I left the apartment it had to officially be over for us. I wanted him, I still loved him, but he was leaving and I had a sure thing with Garrett.
And I loved Garrett. They say that you never truly get over your first love and I think that’s what was going on here. And I think even though Nerdy Boy said he wasn't in love with his girlfriend, he must’ve been or else he wouldn't be running back to her. I don't really understand it all... I was so conflicted and my thoughts kept leading me every which way, it was all just a lot for me to take in.
There was only two things I knew; first, he got mad enough at my claims about him not caring about me that he fucked me against the wall. And second, he made love to me... something that only occasionally happened between us and usually left no question in my mind as to how he felt.
And as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't stop thinking about the sex, the kissing, the way he touched me, the way he felt naked against me... it was all such a sensory overload and one that I enjoyed very much. I haven't orgasmed like that in years... five years to be exact.
The good thing about first loves, they know exactly what makes you tick. When I came down from my final orgasm I quite literally passed out. It felt so good to be around him again, like for the past five years I had been nothing but a shell and the minute he came back I was full again. Somehow mulling this over in my head made the trip easier and the next thing I knew I was on the elevator going up to the labor and delivery unit.
As soon as the doors opened and I stepped out my eyes locked with a pair of familiar gray ones and I walked over to him. "How's Rosie?"
"Scared," he said chewing his lip. "C'mon I'll take you to her."
I followed him, paying much more attention than was proper to the way the jeans he wore hugged his ass. It was insane how hot he got while he was down south. When we walked into the room, however, I forgot all about Jasper... and his ass. Rosalie looked terrified.
"Hey Rosie, what's going on?" I asked softly as I stood beside her and wiped the hair that stuck to her forehead away.
"It hurts," she said, wincing. "And fucking Emmett is no help," she growled out, glaring at the passed out figure of Emmett in the recliner.
"You want some painkillers?" I asked, looking over in the direction of the whiteboard the nurses wrote their names on.
"They can't do spinal cause she uh..." Jasper said clearing his throat.
"Cause they're evil!" Rose shouted in the direction of the door.
"They only use spinals for C-sections because it numbs you completely. They said they won't give you an epidural?" I turned and asked Rosie.
She shook her head. "No cause in my stupid birth plan I denied it if I was past a certain point."
I scoffed a little and shook my head at her, "Well then Rosie, you remember Lamaze?"
She nodded. "You really think that's gonna help?" she asked me.
"Just focus on breathing," I said in a encouraging voice.
She nodded and started to do her breathing exercises before gripping my hand. "It's too soon Ali... six more weeks," she said softly.
"I know honey," I rubbed a soothing circle into the back of her hand.
"It will all be okay, Ryan was early," I gave her a reassuring smile.
Her eyes darted over to Jasper before looking back at me, as if asking me if he knew. I nodded my head slightly, "But not everything." I whispered, smiling a little.
"Good..." Her smile matched mine.
Jasper cleared his throat again. "I'm gonna see if there's enough smelling salts to get his ass up," he said nodding in Emmett's direction before kissing Rose's forehead. "It'll be okay Sis." He looked at me and smiled nervously at me. "Thanks Ali Cat..." he said softly before leaving us.
I gave him a tight smile before turning my attention to Rosalie. "How are you feeling now?"
"A little better. Still hurts like a bitch, but I'm not as freaked out as I was now that your here." She studied me a moment before snickering and shaking her head. "I'm gonna kill him."
"Kill who?" I asked just as another contraction hit her, making her squeeze my hand so hard I was fairly sure she broke something. Once it subsided I asked her again.
"Jasper," she said, raising her eyebrow at me.
I felt my face flush, "Why?"
She shook her head. "I'm in labor not stupid. I know when my best friend has been fucked by my brother."
I tried to keep the grin off my face. "Well yeah, back in the day," I smiled at her, trying to hide what we did.
"Puh-lease," she breathed out. "I know that look on both of your faces. It's the same one ya'll used to get when you had just did something. You've got it now. I wouldn't have even noticed it unless I saw the look you both had."
"What look is that?" I asked, curious as to what she meant.
She leaned her head back on to the bed. "You know, the I want to look at him but I can't look. So you do everything except look him in the eyes cause you're afraid all will spill out?"
I shifted my gaze away from her and shrugged. I never realized I did that.
"Well whatever, I'm gonna kill him anyhow," she said, shifting in the bed. That was the last we spoke of it, Jasper came back with a nurse and I knew Rosalie was watching us which made me infinitely more aware of Nerdy Boy and what he was doing. The nurse woke Emmett up, and made him sit in the chair next to the bed, lest he have another "feinting moment".
The nurse he brought in informed us that Rose was dilated to ten and soon it would be time to push. Rose panicked, the fear of the pain and the baby being too early overriding every other feeling she had right at that moment. I hugged her and let her cry until they told her it was time to start pushing. I knew how she felt.
*~*~*October 22nd 2005*~*~*
Today was the worst day of my life. Well, the second worst, and yet it was one of the greatest. I gave birth to my son seven weeks early... he was four pounds seven ounces and seventeen inches of lung capacity and shrieks. They didn't expect that from him. They doubted he was going to be able to breathe on his own.
And then, I signed away my rights, I gave him to his parents... the people who wanted him so badly after years of not being able to have a child of their own.
I gave up my child. Mine and Jasper's child, I let the door shut as my final visitors of the night left before I broke down into hysterical sobs. The pain of Jasper leaving me ripping through me all over again. I had nothing of his left. He left and with him, he took everything... everything but the child he gave me. And now, he was gone too.
I don't understand why and I don't think I ever will, but I found myself doing the one thing I made everyone else swear that they wouldn't do. I was picking up the hospital phone, taking the piece of paper that had his number scrawled across it and punching the numbers in.
I needed to talk to the one person who could make this okay, I needed him to make me feel better. In my moment of weakness I needed him. I put the phone up to my ear and steadied myself as I listened to the faint ringing from the receiver.
"Hello?" His voice was rather gruff, like he'd just woke up. I inhaled a little and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat, "Hello?" he asked again, sounding a little annoyed.
He's probably in bed with some girl he met down there, I thought as the tears that were threatening to escape, finally did and even though I was trying very hard not to, a sob finally came from my throat.
I could hear the springs of his bed squeak as he moved. "Alice?" he whispered as if unsure of it himself.
That very minute I could no longer breathe, the pain in my chest was too much to bear, I tried to say his name, it was strangled by my sobs though and finally just hung up the phone before I laid sideways on the bed and let my sadness wash over me.
Eventually my tears stopped flowing as much as they had been and I made my way to the shower stall, climbing in and sitting on the little bench before turning the water as hot as I could stand it. I leaned my head against the wall staring into nothingness as the hole in my chest seemed to ache and reach for something that wasn't there. I was empty, nothing, worthless and spent.
I gave myself to Jasper, did anything and everything he wanted and he tossed me away like a broken toy. That is what I was, broken and a toy to him. I always knew it, but I was somehow content in this simple fact until he left. And now, I was nothing, had nothing and felt nothing. I couldn't even cry anymore.
There was a knock on the door followed by Rose's voice. "Alice?"
Rosie, I tried to say her name but my throat felt like something was stuck in it so I groaned instead.
"I'm coming in," she warned before opening the door. I didn't even move myself. "Hey you," she said, closing the door behind her.
I looked over at her through hazy eyes. "He left," I croaked.
She looked at me with sad eyes. "I thought you wanted to give Ryan away?" she said softly.
"I did, he's gonna be much happier..." I closed my eyes and realized I was wrong about not being able to cry anymore. "He's gonna have a much better life than I can give him."
"Ali... That's not..." She put the lid down on the toilet before sitting. "I'm not gonna pretend to know what you're going through, but don't sell yourself short okay?"
I shook my head, "He's better off Rosalie...this isn't about him. I'm happy that he's going to have a good life."
"Jasper," she said simply.
I felt my heart lurch in my chest at the sound of his name and cried harder, "I'm sorry Rose."
She sighed before standing up and reaching to turn the water off. She stepped into the area and wrapped a towel around me. "Don't apologize, Alice. He was an asshole to you. I understand you being devastated."
I shook my head, "I knew all along Rosie," I whispered as I stood rather mechanically and walked over to the toilet, pushing the lid up before I sat.
Rose just shook her head and turned her back, giving me some privacy. I quickly dressed myself, pulling on comfortable clothes instead of the hospital issued gown and hobbled forward. "Do you miss him?" I asked her quietly, my voice horse and broken.
She shrugged. "Just ‘cause he's my brother, doesn't mean I knew him... hard to miss him ya know?"
"I miss him," I said quietly, but she may have had a point. I think out of everyone he knew me the best...and he hurt me the worst when he left.
"You two were always closer..." she said softly.
"Why Rosalie, I just wanna know why?" I asked her miserably as I climbed back into the hospital bed. I had asked her this many times, and the answer never changed.
"I don't know Alice," she said sadly as she lifted the blanket up to put it over my legs.
I looked at my lap and found myself growing silent yet again. In the past few months I spent with Rosalie I had spilled almost everything that had happened between her brother and me. She was my biggest ally during this whole scandal. We hid it from my parents, my brother, my best friend and even Emmett until about ten hours ago. Then when I went into labor and freaked out, all our planning went to hell.
Not that Rosalie was completely willing all the time; she thought I should tell everyone, she thought I should keep Ryan; she thought I should tell her brother. I could never tell him because I knew what he would do. Jasper may have left me, but he was still a good person, if he knew I was pregnant he would come back to make an honest woman of me. I did not want to trap him.
He had spent long enough humoring me, it was time I set him free to live his own life. Maybe someday I could talk to him and find out what went wrong, but today wasn't that day.
~*~oOo~*~
A shrill cry broke me from my memories. I smiled as they put the mewling baby under the warming lamps; she was crying... or squeaking rather, so it was a good sign. I looked at Rosalie and smiled, "Payton's gonna be just fine."
Rose matched my smile. "Good..." she said with a soft laugh.
"She's beautiful Rosie, I can already tell," I smirked a little and leaned down to her ear. "All I have to say is thank God she looks like you."
Rose beamed at that. "Thanks Ali."
"You want me to go get anyone?" I asked as I looked over at Emmett who was standing by the baby.
She chewed on her lip and nodded. "My brother please?"
I nodded my head and smiled slightly before leaving the room and walking towards the waiting area where Jasper sat, his hands fisting his hair. "Nerdy Boy are you alright?" I asked as I crouched next to him.
He slowly looked up as he cleared his throat. "Is she... are they okay?"
"They're gonna be just fine," I smiled at him. There was no way to know for sure, but I had a really good feeling about it all. "What's wrong?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I just pushed her too far... I should have just let her have her say and left it at that." He said scrubbing his face with his hands, pushing his glasses up. "And you’re totally showing me your panties Ali Cat," he mumbled behind his hands.
Ohmigawd. I stood up quickly. "I'm really sorry Jasper," I whispered, very embarrassed.
He lowered his hands and gave me a half smile. "Sorry about the fight with Rose, or for the show?"
I felt my face flush, "For the show, I know you didn't want to see that."
He looked down, "Right. Sorry for embarrassing you."
I shook my head, "You didn't embarrass me, I mean you've seen more of me under the guise of scientific experiment than I've seen of me. So really..." It's not my body. I finished in my head and then internally smacked myself.
He shook his head smiling slightly. "Yeah..."
"So do you wanna see your new baby niece?" I asked him, holding my hand out.
"Yeah," he said with a nod before standing up and taking my hand in his.
~*~*~
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