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JPOV
"We're engaged," his words echoed in my ears.
I couldn't look at her. I couldn't let her see how much it hurt to hear that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with someone else. But I couldn't look at my friends either. They had to have known. Surely she would have told Rose or Edward.
I could hear everyone talking, congratulating them, asking them about details and I suddenly felt claustrophobic. I needed to get out of here.
I stood up and made my way to the happy couple, willing myself not to do something stupid like deck him and drag her out by her hair and claim her as mine. After all, she made her choice. What was I expecting after all I had done to her.
The minute I saw the tear escape from her beautiful eyes, I felt like I was back in that damned gym, breaking her heart again.
"You deserve to be happy," I told her before kissing her goodbye. I couldn't be here for her. I didn't want this to happen and for once I wasn't about to be the one to keep her from being happy.
It was for the best.
I had almost made it out the door of the restaurant when I was shoved up against the wall. "The fuck?" I asked looking to see my two best friends glaring at me.
"You are not thinking about leaving without saying goodbye again are you?" Edward's voice was like ice.
"We know you too well man," Emmett shook his head, his hand keeping me firmly against the wall.
"I said goodbye to her. It's over." I said trying to shake Emmett off.
"No, it's not," Edward shook his head. "We won't allow you to pussy out of everything this time."
"She's getting married Edward! She made her choice! Damn it Emmett, let go!"
"No!" Emmett shouted back, "I may not be the brightest fucking crayon, but I saw the chemistry between you and Ali, that shit, you can't deny it... come on bro, you really think that you can't get her to change her mind?"
"What if she only said yes because he's safe, because she knows he won't leave her? You gonna prove her right by doin' exactly what she expects you to do?" Edward asked, crossing his arms and giving me a pointed glare.
"Chemistry or not Emmett, it ain't gonna happen. She's got him and I got Kelly," I addressed Emmett first. "And fuck you Cullen! What do you expect me to do? Drop my career and move back? Follow her like a damned love sick fool again? Because that got me where last time?"
"Yep, and we all know how happy you are with Kelly..." Emmett murmured shaking his head.
"Let go of him, Em." Emmett did as he was instructed and before I could say anything I was shoved up against the wall, this time a very angry looking Edward was in my face. "You are the stupid motherfucker who left, do not blame any of that shit on my baby sister. You got me?"
"Yeah," I breathed. I wasn't blaming her.
"I do not want that shit-for-brains-piece-of-shit to be my brother-in-law," Edward's voice was so quiet I could barely hear him. "But if I have to watch this shit happen, then you best believe I expect your skinny white ass to watch this fucking ship sink with me."
"You think I want her to marry him?!" God why do I sound like I'm seventeen again?! "I don't! I want it to be me, Ed! I just don't want to step in on her happiness," I said defeated.
"Do you still love my sister?" he asked, his eyes shiny and sad.
"I never stopped loving her Ed..."
"Then I'll let you in on a little secret," He loosened his grip on my shirt. "The first time I have seen her genuinely smile in five years was the day I brought you to her office. She ain't happy, she wants to be and she's trying, but she's not really happy without you." With that Edward let go and took a step back.
I sighed and leaned my head against the wall. "So what are you saying? Stay here and what? Watch her get married to some money flaunting prick? Break up her engagement? Jesus Edward, you know I can't do that."
Edward regarded me quietly, "Why not?"
"Because what if it doesn't work? What if it turns out he's better for her than I am?"
Edward scoffed and shook his head, "You plan on fucking a stripper at your bachelor party Jazz? Have you made Alice feel insecure about herself?"
I felt my eyebrow raise at the mention of the stripper. "I'm sure I've done a lot more damage." Why am I fighting this?
"You really want her to marry someone else Jay? Someone she doesn't love?" Edward looked confused while Emmett's brow furrowed.
"How do you know she doesn't love him?!" I all but shouted at them. "Honestly about fifteen minutes ago, I would have agreed with you two, but she chose him. Not me. If anything me coming back here has made things worse for her. Christ, I helped her cheat on her fiancé!"
Oh fuck...
Edward's jaw fell open while Emmett looked merely surprised. "You two did the horizontal mambo?" Emmett asked, sounding completely amused. I rubbed the back of my neck while nodding, waiting for Edward to punch me.
Edward and Emmett burst out laughing. "If she really loved him, she wouldn't have cheated on him, you know how Ali is," Edward explained once he calmed down.
"Care to explain what the fuck is so funny?" I knew Edward had a point, but Jesus, she even said she hadn't been with someone in that way since me.
"Only back a couple of weeks and already you guys are going at it like a couple of rabbits." Edward just smiled and shook his head. "I think it's safe to say the spark is still there."
I groaned. "I'm not denying the damn spark. I know it's there. But that still doesn't change things."
"Okay, so we know that you got offered a job here... does Alice? What makes you think she picked him?" Edward asked, getting serious once more.
"No she doesn't, besides it's a temporary thing. I'm leaving as soon as the case is closed."
"Not from what I heard, I heard he was gonna offer you a permanent position." Edward argued.
"I'm just tellin' ya what Charlie and I discussed." Of course Ed would know more, he's family now.
"Yeah, well," Edward shrugged. "Why do you wanna leave so bad? Think about it..."
"Do you really want someone else knockin' boots with your Ali Cat for the rest of who knows how long?" Emmett asked, Edward giving him a furtive look.
"Honestly... I don't know why I wanna leave so bad," I decided to answer Edward and just ignore Emmett's question.
"What do you have in the south? What's keepin' you there? I mean, up here at least you have friends... a family of sorts," Edward shrugged a little, "Us."
"My job..." That's the only thing keeping me there honestly. "I have some where to stay. Jesus, the only reason I have a roof over my head now is cause Bella still had time on her lease." I pointed out.
"We'll figure somethin' out when the time comes Jay, I mean it really ain't that hard to find a place to live."
I sighed. I knew they were right. "Fine, I'll stay. I have some vacation time," I shrugged. "I'll use that until I know what the hell is going on."
"Good," Edward smiled and Emmett nodded in agreement. "So, seriously Jay, what makes you think you lost out to the Armani prick?" Edward asked.
I groaned and pushed myself off the wall to walk outside. "You were there Ed..." I knew they were right behind me.
"I saw the kiss on the dance floor." Edward said to my back.
"Kiss doesn't mean shit, Ed. She's still marrying him." Sparks or not, she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. I spun around to face my two best friends. "How long has this been going? How long have they been engaged? And why of all the self-centered, money hungry pricks in Washington did she have to pick him?!"
Edward looked at me wide eyed, "He proposed the day you came back..."
I gaped at him. "So this whole time... This whole time she's been his fiancé and neither one of you thought it was pertinent to tell me?" I turned my attention on Emmett. "You're right, I don't want someone else with my Ali Cat, but how do I even know that, that," I said waving my hand in the direction of the building, "is my Ali Cat? My Ali Cat isn't impressed with high priced suits and expensive things. Yet here she is gonna marry the first dick that walks by in Armani! Does he even know what Levis are!?" I was so frustrated I wanted to hit my head against the wall, maybe then I make sense of what the fuck was going on.
"I have to break up with Kelly..."
"Dude... she wasn't impressed by his possessions, he charmed her, he worked his ass off to get with her after Rosie and I hosted a Christmas party, apparently he liked what he saw when she was dressed as Mrs. Claus, and yes, you have to break up with Kelly." Emmett said, his usual jovial face was completely somber.
"And just so you know, ‘cause I doubt she's told you, he's the first relationship she has had since you." Edward added.
"I kind of figured that one out on my own Ed and for the love of God tell me Rose didn't pick out the Mrs. Claus costume," I groaned imagining Ali Cat in a skimpy costume.
Emmett pursed his lips, "Well... um... Rosie kinda wanted Ali to find a one night stand or something..." he shrugged.
I'm going to kill my sister.
"It was very short. It's pretty obvious why he wanted her." Edward stated matter of factly.
"Would you guys help me cover up a murder?" I asked only half teasing.
"Depends on who we're killing," Emmett said with a smile.
I laughed and shook my head. "Seriously though, y'all think I can change her mind still?"
Emmett nodded quickly. "She's wanted to marry you since she was six, you really think that's just gonna stop?" Edward asked with a bemused expression on his face.
"But that's before I did some pretty shitty things to her," I pointed out.
Edward shrugged, "From what I hear she only gave in and started dating him 'cause she knew you had some other chick or whatever down in Tennessee. She broke up with him for a week at one point, but I dunno why."
I felt my eyebrows furrow at what he said. "Alright, if I do this... and it doesn't work, then what? You gonna blame me for the rest of our lives?"
Edward seemed to consider it for a moment, "No, if you put good effort into showing Ali you ain't gonna leave and you want her... I won't blame you."
I nodded. "Fair enough. Am I alone on this or can I count on y'all to help me if needed?"
Emmett and Edward smiled, "Count us in."
"Well, as long as you don't do something really stupid like tell her you hate her again." Emmett added with a smile.
~*~*~November 16th, 2001~*~*~
I took my usual spot against her locker after the bell rang. For the past month she had been doing everything in her power to ignore me.
I never meant to hurt her when I told her we couldn’t be together. Truth be told, I wanted to be with her. The timing just wasn’t right.
I was floored when she admitted that she was in love with me. How could she even know that what she felt was love? She was still young.
She pushed me off her locker, not saying a word, just like every other day. I just wanted her to say something, anything really. It wasn’t normal for her to be so quiet, so sad.
When she turned to leave her locker I jumped in front of her, blocking her path. She glared at me, everything in her body language telling me to get the fuck out of the way, but she never said it verbally. That’s all I wanted.
We continued the dance of me blocking her exit, grabbing the attention of several class mates. I chuckled a little when she blew her hair out of her face in frustration. It was working, she was starting to crack.
“It’s too bad your mother is dead Jasper, maybe she could’ve taught you some manners,” she snarled at me.
It was my turn to crack, pressing her tiny body between me and the wall. Her of all people, throwing the death of my mother at me; it enraged me more so than when Felix taunted about it earlier. He’s a dick it’s expected, but from Alice, it disgusted me that she went that far.
“I would never love an insolent little child like you,” I growled in her ear. I pulled away slightly, watching as my words registered within her. Her face dropped as she sealed her eyes shut and turned her head away from me.
She shoved me hard with her book and ran into the ladies room. I just stood there staring at the bathroom, waiting for her to come back.
"Whoa... dude... what did you say to her?" Emmett finally asked from my right.
I turned to see the two very shocked faces of Emmett and Edward staring at me. "I... I'm not sure," I shook my head.
Edward just shook his head, "I gotta go to class." He opened his mouth to say something else, but then closed it with a little shake of his head and walked away.
"I thought you were gonna kiss her for a second there," Emmett laughed, clapping me on the shoulder.
I looked up at him and frowned. "I told her I'd never love her Emmett..." I knew he'd understand what I meant.
His mouth went into a hard line, "Dude..." He looked over his shoulder, "Rosie! Com'ere!"
I pulled my hands through my hair in frustration. "Jesus Em, what have I done?"
"What? I can't be late for class again Em!" Rose said as she jogged over to us. "You look like hell," she said looking me over.
"He just told Ali that he would never love her and now she's in the bathroom." Em stated, giving Rosalie a very serious look.
"Fuck," she growled. "Deal with him would you babe?" She asked giving him a kiss before heading into the direction Alice was.
Emmett shook his head at me, "Way to get her to talk to you again there, sport." Sarcasm, Emmett was good at it.
"I'm sorry but no where in my thoughts while making her paper cranes did I think to myself, 'wonder if Alice is gonna throw the death of my mother at me'," I spat at him, moving to get the hell out of this school. "Had I known she was going to say that I would have avoided her."
"You know she didn't mean that shit, it's Ali baby, she would never do something to hurt you!" Emmett argued, following me.
"Well she fucking did Em!" I glared at some kid that was gaping at us as we made our way out the door. Really? Six foot two nerd glares and you piss yourself?
"Look at it from her side, Jazz!" I could hear Emmett pant a little to keep up. "You tell her you don't love her when she admits it to you, while you two were damn near making yourselves into a live porno, then when she tells you to leave her alone you practically stalk her so she'll talk to you, don't you think you're fucking with her head a little? Don't you think that she has the right to lash out a little towards you?"
I turned to face Emmett. "I understand she's pissed Emmett, but that was low... even for her!"
"Honestly man, she thinks nothing she does would hurt you, except that one thing..." Emmett shrugged. "So she used it, because she thinks... no she knows you are playing games with her and it hurts her, so she wants to hurt you back."
"I'm not playing games! I want to be with her, but right now isn't the time. I want her to fucking talk to me because I miss my friend! I miss her laugh, I miss her smile, I miss her..."
Emmett sighed, "I was just giving you her point of view on things okay? I know you miss her, I know you love her... but dude, you have to understand she put herself on the line and you... You rejected her."
Love? I didn't say anything about love...
"No, I said we couldn't date. She cut me out."
"Yeah, you can't date but you can feel her up," he nodded his head while raising an eyebrow at me.
"No! Christ, no that's not what I meant." Okay, I see his point. "I fucked up man..."
"Continue..." Emmett said with a smile, leading me towards his jeep.
"I fucked up big time?"
Emmett nodded, "What are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know... Is there anything I can do now? I mean..." I paused to throw my bag into the back of the jeep. "Even if I had a chance, odds are I just killed it."
Emmett climbed into the drivers side, leaning back in his seat as he waited for me to get it. I hopped into the passenger side and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Well?" I asked.
"Ali baby has loved you since she was six years old, I think you may have killed her a little bit, but you didn't kill your chance," Emmett advised.
"I called her an insolent child for fucks sake Em," I admitted.
"Wow. Dude, harsh." Emmett grabbed something out of his glove box and lit one end. "Want some?" he asked with held breath.
I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. "Just hot box Em, you know you want too," I laughed.
"And so I shall," he said blowing smoke out. "Okay, so I suggest, if you can handle it, go today and apologize, then give her a week to cool off."
"You really think she's gonna want to see me again, let alone today, after this?" I asked skeptically.
Emmett shrugged, "What's the worst that could happen?"
"She'd get a restraining order? Or I know, have Edward kick my ass..." I leaned my head back against the head rest.
Em scoffed, "I don't think she'd do either."
It was my turn to scoff. "Yeah... All I know is he wouldn't hesitate to do it. She is his baby sister after all."
"You don't think she's worth a little roughing up?" Em asked, his eyes pink and half-lidded.
"No... she is."
"Then?"
He was right, what did I have to lose?
Later I did as Emmett suggested, going over to the Cullen house with the hope of being able to apologize. But I struck out. Esme told me that Ali wasn’t up for company and that she would have her call me when she’s feeling better.
I went back to my house and locked myself in my room. I knew I had fucked up royally and I knew that I had to apologize. But how do you apologize when that person doesn’t want to see you again?
I was silent at dinner, not that it was anything new for me but even Rose was quiet. I knew she was pissed at me. I hurt her best friend. Hell, I’d be just as angry at her if it were Emmett. The only difference is that she wouldn’t be a stupid as I was.
I couldn’t sleep that night, thoughts of what Alice and Emmett said filtered through my subconscious and I knew there was no peace to be had. So I did the only think I could think of. I went to Alice.
One thing is for certain, Hollywood lies. There is no easy way to climb up a drain pipe, but I did it.
I carefully opened her window and started to step in when she sat up in bed.
“Ali?” I whispered, mainly so she wouldn’t scream.
“Jasper, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean what I said-“ she started crying and apologizing to me.
“Shh… Ali, it’s okay,” I told her as I kneeled beside her. I cupped her face in my hand, gently wiping the tears from her eyes with my thumbs as I tried to think of an apology.
But I never got it out. She pulled herself up, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck as her lips crashed to mine. I knew I should have pulled away. That anything further would just confuse her more, but I couldn’t. My hand moved to her hair, fisting it as I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth.
Her hands tangled in my hair, her tongue greedily licked the part of my lips, demanding entrance as my other hand moved to her side, guiding her to lay back. Our tongues danced together, massaging the other, her taste consuming me.
My desire for her began to take control as I pulled her leg higher on my hip so I could grind myself into her, making her moan and grind back. “Oh God,” I moaned as continued my movements, moving to kiss along her jaw.
My hand went up her shirt, cupping her breast and making her mew beneath me as I kneaded it, taking the nipple between my fingers to pinch and tease her. I sucked and nipped at her skin as we rolled our hips into each other, both desperate for friction.
The sound of her headboard thumping lightly against the wall broke us out of trance long enough for me to remove my sweatshirt and place it between it and the wall. Once that was done I continued kissing her, loving the taste of her sweet lips as my hand returned to her soft, pert breasts.
My mouth worked its way lower, kissing and sucking on her collarbones as her hands went under my remaining shirt. Her touch sending chills down my spine. She pushed against me, rolling us so she was on top, rubbing her crotch against my hardened cock. My hands traveled down to her ass, squeezing and pulling her harder against me as our lips moved together again.
She moved her lips from mine, kissing along my jaw as she continued to rock against me. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way it felt to have her like this, the way my body responded to hers. I hissed when I felt her lips on my chest. I opened my eyes watching her as she left hot wet kisses every where she could, while moaning at the movements of our hips.
She kissed her way back up my neck stopping below my ear. “Jasper, touch me,” she whispered huskily.
I quickly rolled us and pulled myself away. I couldn’t do this to her. We shouldn’t have been doing this.
She looked at me with wide and confused eyes, her chest heaving as she gasped for air.
“Oh God, Ali…” I panted. “I want to, but we can’t. I can’t… God, I’m so sorry Ali.” I apologized as I backed up towards the window and climbed my way out, shutting it closed behind me.
I just keep hurting her…
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