~*~*~*~
APOV
Jasper kissed me, and Garrett caught us. I felt guilty that Garrett caught us, but I was also confused. That kiss told me I still loved Jasper, there was still that chemistry between us even without the sexual tension, I mean, I guess the tension was still there but we'd definitely resolved it the other night.
That kiss was just different, it told me that not only did I still love Jasper and it was definitely more than the sex. But now I was sure he still loved me too.
And by that I mean not the first love you haven't gotten over kind of love. Yep, it's safe to say right now I am sitting between a rock and a hard place, well no actually I was sitting between Nerdy Boy and Rhett, but you get what I mean.
I held Garrett's hand with my right hand; it was safe, comfortable, reliable, trustworthy. I held Jasper's hand with my left; passionate, sexy, unpredictable, protective. Jasper's thumb grazed the skin on the back of my hand which made me look over at him and smile, he smiled right back, his eyes saying things his lips dared not repeat. I felt a twinge of hope and decided I should talk to Garrett, put off the engagement... figure all of this out.
I looked over just as Garrett smiled brightly at me, and announced happily to the table that we had an announcement to make. He pulled me up out of my chair to stand beside him, I quickly let go of Jasper's hand so that no one would see that we had been holding hands.
I was confused, what was Garrett talking about? "What are you doin'?" I asked as quietly as I possibly could, Garrett smiled at me, but something was a little off in his eyes.
"We're getting married!" He blurted out as I smiled at everyone, trying to hide the confusion I felt at this moment. Dear Lord why did he have to announce it now of all times? I just decided to postpone things, now I couldn't, I didn't want people to think badly of me for having second thoughts about someone who loved me as much as Garrett did over a guy who left with without a second thought five years ago.
Someone who moved on so quickly when I was still nursing my broken heart.
*~*~* July 4th 2007 *~*~*
I combed my hair into a ponytail, high on the back of my head and looked at myself in the mirror.
Disgusting. Yeah, he'll really want you lookin' like this.
I sighed and began putting on a little make-up before pulling on the nice wrap dress I had purchased just for this occasion. Unfortunately, I still had forty pounds to lose since having Ryan. I hated the way it made me look, mainly because it was in all the worst places.
I chewed my lip as I regarded myself in the mirror. Today was the day I was going to get some answers, I pulled the slip of paper from my purse that Rosalie had written down Jasper’s new address on, clutching it in my hand as I walked out of the hotel room and into the humid Tennessee air.
It was one of those days where the younger, more energetic me would've walked or skipped happily to his new place, but now I was talking a cab, I didn't have the energy or the motivation to walk.
Jasper now lived in a three story brick building, if the numbers were correct he lived in a second floor unit. I studied the address for a moment before climbing up the worn wooden stairs, grasping the iron handrail and slowly walking towards his apartment. The door I was headed for opened and I stopped all forward movement when I saw a dark haired woman walk out just ahead of Jasper... my Nerdy Boy... and their hands were linked. He wasn't looking in my direction at all, if he even so much as moved his head to see ahead of him he would've seen me, but the lady he was with distracted him.
It felt like someone gripped my heart in their fist and was holding tightly as I saw him look at her and they began to laugh, I could see the happy twinkle in his eye even from where I was standing. I ducked into a darkened corner, not wanting either of them to see me while I watched them.
I am such a masochist.
After locking the front door the lady said something to him and he pinned her up against the wall, giving her the sexy look that I always thought was just for me before kissing her savagely. I took a shaky breath and tried to look away, not wanting to see anymore.
~*~*oOo~*~
Later, I found myself sitting at a booth inside of Applebees, torturing myself some more. They sat awfully close to each other and he was letting her feed him fries.
Why am I doing this? I thought idly as I slurped a little of my milkshake.
Because you have to talk to him.
I watched as he reached into his pocket, put a phone up to his ear, listened for a bit and after a few nods of his head he kissed his companion and left quickly. Walking right by me as if I didn't even exist. His scent, however, clung to me. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, enjoying the little bit of him that was left as I let the memories we had created wash over me.
I heard the bench across me creak and opened my eyes to see Jasper's companion settling in the booth across from me. She was beautiful, clearly Mexican in descent with large dark eyes, thick black hair and skin several shades darker than mine.
"Hi," I said, sounding as startled as I felt.
"Hi," she said with a kind smile. "What kind of shake did ya get?"
"Um... strawberry." I looked at her curiously.
"Good choice, but I prefer the vanilla," she laughed. "Sorry, I hate eating in places like this alone and well, I saw you were alone too. I'm Kayla," She reached her hand out for me to shake.
I took it, "Alice..." I said with a small smile. And she was nice. Damn N.B. for dating chicks I can't bring myself to hate.
"Nice to meet you. So what brings ya to Tennessee, Alice?"
I laughed a little and looked at my shake. Of course she could tell I wasn't from around here. "It's a long story..." I shook my bowed head.
"A boy?" she asked.
I nodded, "He left one day... didn't tell me why... I really needed him at the time, but I was too stubborn to come down here right away..." I swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump that had crept up my throat.
"That sucks... How long since he left?"
"Um... two years," I chewed my lip. I knew it had been a long time, but I never stopped loving him.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, by the looks of it he hurt ya bad," She gave me a sad smile.
I nodded my head a little, I wasn't sure if I should tell her, but something inside me told me to give it a try. "It was Jasper," I stated, meeting her eyes.
"My Jasper?" she asked quietly.
That vice squeezed again on my heart when I heard her say 'my', I rubbed my chest absentmindedly and nodded my head, "The guy you were here with, yeah."
"Oh wow..." she breathed. "I had a feeling you were her, but I never thought..." She shook her head.
"What?" I asked, confused by pretty much everything she just said.
"When you said your name, I had a feeling you were his Alice," she gave me a small smile. "I've heard a lot about you and your brother."
"So he talks about us?" My voice cracked despite my best efforts. She nodded. "What does he say?" Glutton. For. Punishment.
"He talks about growing up with y'all. How your brother and his best friend were always up to no good and how his sister and you were really tight."
"Oh. So... nothing else?" I chewed my lip.
She looked down at the table and shook her head. "No... sorry," she said softly.
I nodded, feeling tired and sad. "It's not your fault..." I sighed. "I hope you're happy with him... and that you make him smile, okay?" I was being earnest, I meant what I said. I pulled a twenty out of my purse, all I had gotten was the shake so I was fairly certain it would be more than enough to cover it, and placed it on the table.
She looked up and nodded. "I know I don't have tell you this but, he's a really great guy. Looks out for people ya know?"
I nodded and chewed my lip, blinking back tears, "That was the problem I think..." I tried to force a smile.
"Yeah..." She reached in her pocket to look at her phone and sighed. "I gotta go... it was nice meeting you Alice."
"Nice to meet you too," I said as I walked out of the restaurant behind her.
It was time to go home, I didn't need to torture myself anymore, I already had the answers I needed.
~*~oOo~*~
Everyone flittered around Garrett and I, congratulating us and asking about wedding details, wanting to know the date, wanting to see the ring, wanting to know who was going to be involved. The entire time I wouldn't look at Jasper, I didn't want to see his face, I knew that if I did I might do something really stupid.
I saw Jasper move out of the corner of my eye, heading for Garrett. He shook his hand and congratulated him, before making his way to me.
"Congratulations Ali Cat..." He said softly.
I blinked back a tear, it was over, he was leaving, I could see it in his eyes. "Thanks Nerdy Boy," I whispered back.
He cupped my cheek, wiping the tear from under my eye with his thumb. "You deserve to be happy Ali..." He gave me a sad smile before kissing me on the cheek and turning to leave.
I rubbed the center of my chest, it was a habit I had picked up when he left, trying to ease the pain that grasped my heart as I watched him go. "Alice?" I turned to see Garrett's perfect smile and couldn't help but smile in return. "You okay?" he asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to his chest. He smelled like sandalwood, it was a nice, comforting smell, I nodded my head as he placed a kiss on the crown of my head. "I love you," he murmured.
"I love you..." Just not as much as him.
~*~*~
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